Macbeth the Comedy : A Parody of Macbeth
by runobody2
Summary: A parody of Macbeth taking some of the characters and plots and adding comedic twists. Five Chapters/Acts. Disclaimer: I do not own Macbeth. Why do people put disclaimers in the actual story, instead of the summary, where you only have to post it once, anyways? And is the copyright still applicable? Whatever, R&R, please!
1. Act 1- Of Witches and Men

The Comedy of Macbeth : A Parody

I DO NOT OWN MACBETH

Act 1 - of witches and men

_Deep in a pit of oily brine fiendish witches sat, scrying (as their wrinkles grew) into a shard of glass. Of these witches there were three, one tall, one short, one fat. _The one that looked as if she'd been stretched, Merelda was her name, glimpsed in a ravine far away two nobles riding home from a distant war, covered with much blood and gore.

"Oo" said Round witch, leaning over Merelda's crooked nose, "what's that I see?" Squat witch now saw a chance to show that round witch's apple nose shone with naught but incompetency and whatnot of that sort.

"Nothing" she said, "you see nothing at all!"

Then Round witch was quite angry and bluffed to try to show her expertise. "Fiddle dee dee! That man on the left born to be King!" Round witch declared in a strange fit of inspiration.

Well, Squat witch couldn't have round witch usurping her (dubious) authority. She stood up, making use of every inch of her squat frame. "Alas- my dear sister- my wisdom foretells that the man on the _left _was born to be king." At this point squat witch let out an evil cackle (she'd been practicing). On and on went they like this until round witch huffed and puff to her feet.

"No more! she said, "no more I'll take of this, now I'll go and tell the man on the left man he is to become king." The squat witch resolved to fellow suit with the one _she_ thought would be king.

By this time, the two nobles, Banquo and Macbeth had ridden out of the ravine and were now traveling through a dark wood. Soon, they came upon a shaded clearing of twisted grey pine. It was here that they met the witches. Merelda, of course, had come along too to see the fun.

"Greetings. My name is Jadelyn and it is fore ordained that you will be king," said the round witch to Macbeth.

"My name of Calinda. Jadelyn is wrong. Banquo, you will be king, not Macbeth," said Squat witch. Round witch gave squat witch a harsh shove and caused Squat witch to fall down, but Squat witch was already so short that she was the same height fallen as standing.

Merelda then spoke. "Ignore these two, my noble sirs. Jadelyn and Calinda, let us depart." Then into a smoky patch of air, the three witches vanished, leaving Macbeth and Banquo, Kings-to-be.


	2. Act 2- A Misunderstanding

Act 2 - A Misunderstanding

In Macbeth's hurry to see Lady Macbeth, he forgot to tip the porter at the gate. The porter shot him at a glare almost as hostile as it was drunken. Macbeth ran up four sets of stairs before realizing he was in the wrong stairwell all together. When Macbeth finally found Lady Macbeth, he was so out of breath his poor heart felt like a burned tomato slammed by a sledgehammer every time it beat. His face wobbled up and down like a bobbing apple. Finally he spoke. " O deep is the well of my fear! On the road Banquo and I met three Witches, one round, one squat, and one stretched that told us we would be King! I believe Banquo took it to heart and shall want to kill Duncan for the position."

"Dreadful! King Duncan's the soul of mercy. Whatever would we do without him! Is there no way to save him?" scried out Lady Macbeth.

"Why, clever me, I've hatched a plan. There is no reason to fear. We shall invite the King to our castle and he shall be safe with us." Macbeth said amiably. "We have enough ale for a grand feast. Once Duncan is here, we can warn him of the danger."

Lady Macbeth was delighted and sent out messengers to Duncan at once. Their messengers arrived at Inverness the very next day. Banquo, who was at the court at the time, was not at all happy.

"Fie, Fie! Macbeth always had an ambitious streak. Now he's taken a fancy to being king and sent for Duncan to kill him. I must follow along and protect the king", grumbled Banquo to himself.


	3. Act 3- Diamonds

Act 3 - Diamond

Dundadunduundadun! Hautboys rang out as Duncan arrived at the Macbeth estate. The porter put on his greediest smile and made more coins that day than he had the entire month.

Lady Macbeth was in her dressing room having a dire wardrobe upset. She has two gowns suitable for the occasion. One had a stiff white lace bodice and a skirt composed of layers of flowing red taffeta. Each layer of taffeta had a different shade of red, some layers a glowing scarlet and other a dark maroon-like shade. The red dress revealed the natural hints of red in Lady Macbeth's hair. The other was a gown made of green velvet and had extravagant puff sleeves that went down to the floor. The green picked up the emerald of Lady Macbeth's eyes. She was still trying to choose a dress when the king's arrival was sounded. Lady Macbeth was so flustered that she ran downstairs in her plain white cotton dressing gown, which matched neither her emerald green eyes nor her red tinted hair.

The king brought a diamond brooch for Lady Macbeth. The diamond had a brilliant cut and was inset in silver. The Lady Macbeth proclaimed the brooch "hurts my eyes with its shine." Then, when she put on her brooch, it disappeared into her plain white cotton dress. Her eyes didn't hurt anymore.

By all measures, it was a merry gathering. The mood of the Macbeths dramatically changed, however, when a messenger arrived. "Banquo is not four miles from this grand castle. He has been seen with a sword in his hand and rides urgently, like something is amiss" warned the messenger.

As quickly as possible, the guests were put to bed. Duncan was put in an ultra- safe room with seven guards stationed outside his door. The castle was deadly silent when Banquo's knock was heard loudly upon the door.


	4. Act 4- Over a King

Macbeth answered the knock at the door. The door swung open, revealing Banquo's angry face and sword in hand. "Reveal the king to me. I wish to see him," said Banquo, confirming all Macbeth's suspicions.

"I am sorry, He has retired to his rooms." Now Macbeth had confirmed all Banquo's suspicions. He must have killed him already! I must have come too late. Banquo thought desperately to himself as he demanded to see Duncan. Time and time again Macbeth refused Banquo's requests until Bankquo took up his sword and began to attack Macbeth. Macbeth took up his sword and the two began to fight. They rose up a clamor a loud as any that had been heard in the land. So it was hardly surprising when the first quest rose and began to watch Banquo and Macbeth's brawl. After about ten minutes, Banquo was quite surprised when the Duncan walked in the door, dressed in kingly pajamas.

"Why my dear knights! Is this a tournament you are having without me? Am I too late for the show?

Banquo exclaimed, "Way, you are still alive! Macbeth didn't murder you."

"I invited him here to protect him from you!" said Macbeth.

The king looked rather puzzled...


	5. Act 5- The End

Act 5 - the end

Far away, three witches in their hovel, peering still with foggy eyes upon the dusky twilight road did glimpse with gazes not far discerning two nobles riding swiftly, with faces hard-set and lips tightly pursed. These witches in their short memories had already so blurred the faces of Macbeth and Banquo that they believed that this (completely different set of nobles) where the two "prophesied" to be king. The witches appeared before the nobles. "Recall that thy shalt be crowned king!" they crooned.

The two nobles rode away in confusion.

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**REVIEW, PLEASE!**

**THANK YOU VERY MUCH, HERE CONCLUDES MY FIRST FANFIC.**


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